She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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