I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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