Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
