after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
