How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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