Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
