i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize