all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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