operation harelip BJ is a go
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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