New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
My breasts were aching with rage.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
