not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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