I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
