Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
