Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
