Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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