its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
