Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
