ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize