this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
