You're a womanizer and a bitch.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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