Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
