Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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