After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
