Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
