all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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