thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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