The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Come see our sink grown plant.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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