I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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