dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
