i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
