Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize