One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
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