Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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