Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
