i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
