we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
We smell like vodka and hangover
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