He kissed a someone with a penis
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize