i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
