dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
