Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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