I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
