just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
