Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
