So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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