So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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