Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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