Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
