My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
