Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
