My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I FOUND THE LEGS
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
