Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize