Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Randomize
