I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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