I wish I could punch you in the face.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
