So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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