theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
