He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
what the fuck happened to the tacos
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
