We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize