just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
