This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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