last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
