I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
