you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
