I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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