Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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