we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
