The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just googled if crying burns calories
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
