btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
