Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My dick has a subreddit
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
