I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
