Is it normal to miss your booty call?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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