Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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