By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Text me some of your sweat
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