You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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