I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
