i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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