I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
